Touched Out, Tired, and Triggered: What No One Tells You About Trauma and Motherhood
You may love being a mom, and love your child with your whole heart, but some days if one more tiny hand starts pulling at your leg, another toy gets thrown across the room, or theres a temper tantrum in the middle of Target.. you feel like you might actually combust.. its normal! and a sign you might need a break to breathe, and maybe regulate your nervous system. You are not broken, you are NOT a bad mom. You are touched out, triggered and exhausted. This is a chaotic trifecta that many moms face - and can be even more complex if you have a history or relational trauma. Lets chat about it.
What it means to be “touched out”
When you are constantly taking care of a baby - nursing, feeding, holding, rocking, while also maybe taking care of other children or pets in the home, your nervous system can get overloaded. If you have a history of relational trauma, or a history of boundaries, especially those that are physical being pushed or violated, this feeling can bring up a lot of symptoms of old pain.
Signs you are touched out:
Flinching or tensing up when someone reaches for you, or touches you
A strong feeling like you just need space, or need to get away but can’t
A sense of anger or frustration when you get touched
Feeling guilt or shame for wanting space, or to not be touched
When tired is an understatement & its not just the lack of sleep
Of course, you might be sleep deprived and not getting enough rest especially if you are a new mom, or new mom again. However, if you have a history of relational trauma, that fatigue can run deeper. Trauma lives in the body, and trauma related fatigue is a real thing. Some things that may be catering towards being tired -
Hypervigilance - being stuck in “flight or fight", constantly worrying about threats, etc
The Mental Load/Emotional Labor - Actively “watching yourself” and emotionally regulating yourself for your kids, taking on the toll of the mental load - childcare, house duties, family schedules, meal planning, doctors appointments, etc - our brains work really hard to hold all of this information!
People-Pleasing habits - if you are ignorning your own needs to please others, you energy is going to drain faster
Your feelings are real - and valid
Motherhood can bring up old pain, or re-open a wound you may never know you even had. Even if you do not resonate with feeling you have experienced relational trauma, motherhood can dig up any old pain from feeling like your needs were not met. Some examples -
your childs temper tantrum bringing up how you werent allowed to express emotion in childhood
Feeling helpless keeping up with all the tasks, or not being able to soothe a crying baby - bringing up this emotion you often felt in your past
A lack of support from family or a partner, that brings up a sense of abandonment or neglect you once felt before
If you experience this, it is your body and brain giving you a signal that its time to regulate your nervous system. You are not alone. Many moms feel all of the above, and many moms with a history of the trauma work through the above and develop their own “touched out toolkit” for when they need some extra support.